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I had the busiest week ever at my new job, had zero time for tumblr. Ugh, my weight keeps bouncing back and forth between 165 and 167, I can’t seem to get it any lower. At least I haven’t really gained much even though I’ve been eating terribly lately. Maybe I’ll fast today or tomorrow. I NEED to be thin by the time summer gets here.
In late January I bought a “carrot on a stick” dress in a size Medium to motivate me to lose weight. I tried it on today, and somehow it fits perfectly. I feel like I’m being tricked. I still feel like the fattest person ever. I’ve only lost about 15 pounds and I still weigh in the 160’s…I did a small bit of clothes shopping yesterday because I start a new job tomorrow, and I now wear a size 12 pants and size L shirts. My XL stuff doesn’t fit anymore, but I literally can’t see any difference in my body. I feel like the scale is lying to me. I just don’t understand.
Started the Couch to 5k program last night! You start out jogging for 60 seconds, and then walking for 90 seconds for a total of 20-30 minutes. It was kind of rough, I am incredibly out of shape and fat… I’m going to run every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to start with to build up my endurance. Also keeping my calories to 500-600 every day, no more! I’m trying to force myself to develop a liking for black coffee so that I stop using sweeteners/creamers. I can do this. I WILL be skinny and beautiful by June.
Had another binge on Saturday, I feel so disgusting…It’s like I have no fucking control over myself. I could have said “no” to those tacos, but I ate two like the fat pig I am. They were almost 500 calories a piece, just one would have been a whole day’s worth of calories. I even had eggs and toast that morning…I’ve always told myself I would never purge because it’s probably even more unhealthy than restricting, but god has it been so tempting these past few days. I had JUST reached my first goal weight, and then I ruined it and gained back 3 pounds. I was almost too ashamed to come back to Tumblr. I NEED to be more strict with myself, this is unacceptable. I need to start exercising again too. I’m going to do that Couch to 5K running program now that it’s starting to stay light out longer in the day. Ugh.
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